How You Feel When You Still Breathing In The Same Old Butt-hole Over And Over Again.

Here's the latest shit in 2010. After i'd briefing about uncomfortable changes at my workplace..i get another stupid thing that i've no idea it will turn out really bad. So i guess, i need to speak for myself in this matter. I dont care if anyone read this or not. This is what i've in the back of my minds.

It all started when i'm answering a killer question from anonymous in fuckspring.me website. It's not really a killer question..it's more like a trap that i didnt see. But i've answered the question without a doubt. and i felt nothing's wrong with it. The situation now getting worst..getting bigger involving a lot of heart and soul. Unfortunately, someone has been hurt and offended, not by the answer..but the question. Someone that i love so much. she's so upset. She's going mad..the question involving Life and Death. I didnt know that i'm the 1 that pull the trigger..and she'd start the fire. I've the choice to skip the question..but i didnt. I answer it just to show to my gf that i'm happy with her now. Coz deep in my heart i knew she didnt trust me well.

What i felt now..and what would i do..is nothing. If u guys asking me y..here's the answer..

I'm tired dealing with feelings. I'm tired thinking 'bout something that doesnt have anything good in return. I'm tired with situation like this. I've a lot of important things to think about. I dont want to feel so miserable and blaming how f**k up my life is. (Baik aku buat bende2 yg bleh happy kn diri aku). Maybe it does sound selfish. Ok. I dont care. If my gf started the fire among my late-ex-gf frens, i'm sure she know how to deal with it. It's not that i dont have balls to take the responsibility of what she hv done..it just, i've done my part. I've talked to her about everything. But she had her own way to settle this. That's fine with me. Plus, she's my gf..not yet a wife. If in that case, that would be another story. I surely take responsibility in every good or bad things that she did if we're husband and wife. Am i dumb enough to think that way..? Well i guess not. What would they expect that i should do..? Not everyone know what i've been going through past this 5 years..and what i've become. Not everyone know what is going on. Do i deserve better than this shit? No. That is why i didnt care. And i dont want to think about it or get involve. Semak.

Do what u guys think is right. Do what u guys think is good.
We all make mistakes, we all deserve what we'll get in the future.
It is Allah job's. I'm not the religious kind. But i believe in HIM.

For all the spectators, the one who thinks they some kind of JUDGE, or whoever that know about this story, this situation..think twice before u throw a conclusion or your point of view. Maybe i would like to hear some of it. Or maybe i just dont care at all. So it's up to you guys out there..not everyone have the same thing playing around their minds. Not everyone think the same. Not everyone.


End.

Stop Doing Stupid Things, Just Get Over It,

hmm..for this entry, i'm not quite sure that i can elaborate the title above into something that easily understand about what i'm trying to say..but the truth is, we're human being, had been given "akal fikiran" by Allah s.w.t so that we can think wisely in everything dat we do. It doesnt count if u're educated or not, rich our poor..that's not the main point. The main point is, how u use your brain and your heart. (x pandai la nk bebel bahase inggeris. fak!)

Kadang2..manusia ni susah nk melepaskan sesuatu..sesuatu tu da semestinya berunsur keduniaan. x kira la ape skali pon. Perasaan. Perasaan yg lahir dr hati..yg mampu mempengaruhi setiap anggota tubuh badan kita..Mata, mulut kaki dan tangan..semua nye bleh di kawal oleh pemikiran..pemikiran yg dikawal oleh perasaan. Perasaan kita x ada usia..xde tempoh baru lahir, xde tempoh matang. yg mengawal perasaan kita ialah otak. Itulah pentingnya akal fikiran kurniaan tuhan. Kalo x pandai pakai otak, atau membiarkan otak dikawal oleh perasaan, mmg hancur lah manusia itu. kenapa otak? kerana otak saje yg mempenyai "usia", otak sentiasa berkembang..dari situlah manusia mendapat kematangan mereka. jika mereka mampu mnggunakan otak, nescaya mereka mampu mngawal perasaan.

xde gunanya kalo seseorang yg terpelajar tidak mampu mnggunakan otaknye utk mengawal perasaan marah, benci, bongkak, atau dendam. buang masa. skali gus membuatkan masyarakat lebih mnyedari sikap buruknye berbanding pangkat atau harta kekayaan yg diperolehi nye. itu semua nafsu. sejenis element yg mengawal setiap perasaan.dunia kita bergolak pon sbb manusia yg x mampu mengawal nafsu.

Kawan, walau ape benda pon yg kita lakukan..gunakan otak utk berfikir..mulakan dengan otak, bkn hati dengan perasaan. banyak lg benda penting nk pk. maybe i'm not a right person to post this kind of entry..it just my point of view..and what i've learned from my past. so..THINK WISELY.

It's Not Easy

A friend is easier to find..easier to lose. A good and best friend is hard to find..but once u lost it, there no replacement. eceh! tp lebih kurang btolkan ape yg aku ckp ni..? ade stgh kawan yg kte bleh "ngam" ngan dia ble x duduk sebumbung je. ble sebumbung semua jd cm haram. yg sebaliknya ade gak. tp ape yg aku sering alami kes2 ble sebumbung x sekepala. semak. serabut. kadang2 ade yg perangai nye baik sgt. smpi jd bodoh. baik sgt pon susah gak. aku xtau la ape pendapat org tentang aku kalo bab berkawan ni. ade gak la yg ckp aku ni senang lupa kawan..ade kah yg ckp aku senang lupa kawan tu tau keadaan aku cmne..? setengah2 kawan ni main assume je keadaan kite. jauh di lubuk otak, dlm kalbu ni diorg xtau. aku ni bkn nye jenis nk kesah sgt. sbb len org len yg dia rasa. bkn semua kite ni pale otak sme. bkn semua kite ni matlamat hidup sama. kalo nk ikut aku berkawan dr kecik. kebanyakkan nye masih kontek thru facebook. mmg kalo nk kaitkan ngan kehidupan, memang kosong lah kalo xde kawan. tp seramai mana yg memahami? seramai mana yg paham..? seramai mana yg boleh di harap. persepsi jugak berbeza2 utk setiap org. mungkin pada aku si A ni x bleh pakai. tp si B plak percaya gila kt si A. mungkin jugak pd aku si W ni susah nk di buat kawan..tp si Z plak ckp aku 2 kali 5 je ngan si W.


Aku tau..mungkin ramai diluar sana tu kurang senang dgn cara aku berkawan..aku x slh kan sesiapa yg nk membenci aku. atau x mahu berkawan dgn aku. manusia ni ciptaan tuhan yg paling kompleks. x semua org kau boleh paham dgn setahun kenal..atau 2 tahun kenal inikan pula sehari. people change. korang2 kt luar sane tu mengumpat aku..? jgn risau..aku dan kawan2 aku kt sini pon mengumpat korang2. fair and square. to be honest, i dont gv a shit about others..saying bad things behind back..coz it is what everybody do. to my close friend..thanx for being such a good friend..thanx for everything. and i'm sorry if i ever done wrong to u guys..secara langsung atau x..i'm nothing without u guys.

formspring.me

Curious..?

Makhluk Ajaib Dan Zoo.

Latest news bout haiwan2 yg berada di rumah aku. Seperti sedia maklum di kebanyakkan penempatan manusia mmg ade SEMUT. tu standard ar...lg satu yg best dipersekitaran panorama indah area umh aku ni byk kucing liar yg mengaplikasi kn balkoni2 dan beranda2 sbg tempat pelupusan najis abah mereka. mmg awesome lah en..pnat aku mnyucikan semula area2 yg telah di mark oleh mereka2 itu. kemudian yg lagi awesome berkenaan dengan kehilang misteri kura2 aku. last time aku citer psl kura2 ni dari 3 ekor tggl 2. skrg da tggl 1!!!! gua xtau bai mana diekor pegi..sial lah..ajaib sungguh. mmg yg 2 ekor terlepas ni mmg hyper-aktif sket berbanding yg sekor ni. so tggl lah sekor je kura2 peliharaan aku. lalu aku namakan kura2 ni sbg Ozzy. PERLUKAH BG NAMA..? xpyh la..mngarut btol. bkn dia mnyahut pon ble aku panggil! ceh!


Selain cerita2 konon2 menarik di atas, aku telah mendapat seekor lg keluarga baru dlm famili ceria ini. iaitu seekor anak kucing. meoowww!! OU EM JEE..I'M SO GAYYYYY....no offense guys. haha. hajat nk beli kucing ni sbnrnye dr gelpren aku. sebok nk bela. aku xnk mulanya. kawan ktorg nk bg..pastu pung pang punag pang konon2 kawan aku ni bg hadiah ank kucing la as my besdey prezen..besdey nye da lme lepas. konon2 bru bg la. sbb dia nk bg kt gelpren aku..tp mslhnye gelpren aku da dpt hadiah dr dia..maka utk menjadikan aku serba salah menolak pemberian ank kucing itu, mereka telah mnjadikan anak kucing tu sbg b'day prezen aku lah pulak...haaa..amek je la en.. Sekali da dpt comel la pulak. mcm siallll.............


Introducing....MARCO!!! (aku xtau jantan ke betina, kemaluan gagal dikenal pasti.)

weh MARCO...aku da mcm gadis2 gedik je post cite pasal ko tau x..? suke ati aku la..ni tandanya aku ni syg binatang jugak..walaupon aku suka makan kefsi ngan mekdi. wkakaakakk!

Cerita Jiwang la sikit en en en en...

1st time la sial aku makan tempang kaki. abis tu ko nk gelak..?
gelak la! kimak btol..bkn mati pon kalo x pnh mkn tempang kaki seumur hidup. damn!
bkn ape..sblum ni x teringin pon makan. lgpon rsenye makan nasik koboi lg kenyang kot. tp xpe la..skali skale dating..pe slh nye. hehe.

Seronok Makan..? wakakakkakaka.

Blackout

....Now I’m struggling, I black out so I can’t dream
But I still see you sneaking through my weary head
I suffer from a drought of medicine to dull self-doubt
I just wanna drown you out with southern poison
If I had a drink for every Goddamn time I think
About your pale skin dressed in pink
Then at least I could sleep
If I had a shot for every Goddamn time I thought
About your face and what I lost
At least I’d get some sleep
Sleep, sleep, at least I’d get some sleep
Sleep, sleep, then at least I’d get some sleep…

Blackout - Senses Fail ; Life is Not A Waiting Room (2008)

A Hole In My Head

hidup..hidup..bila mau cukup daa..? gj 3 juta baru cukup kaa..? bile nk gj 3 juta sebulan ni. haaha..haih. penat..penat rohaniah seksa woo...penat g la tido. xleh tido. bdn x cukup penat nk bertanding ngan penat otak. haha. penat otak menguasai segalanya. bila nk penat ni.. berjogging 8 ratus meter da buat da..push up 360 da buat da. merepek btol. da pagi ni. da pagi g tdo la. x boleh x boleh...x boleh tdo. makan nasik lemak boleh tdo x..? x boleh x boleh. makan kang buncit perut. wakaka.

ape yg dicari dlm dunia ni..nk balik kampung. tanam jagung. lepaskan segala gala nya..tp...yg tu la yg menguatkan minda ni utk gagah berdiri di sini..dan doa restu org tua la yg menguatkan hati bertahan di sini. minat, sayang..kalo dilepaskan..mcm x seronok da dlm hidup yg singkat ni. mmg la akan dilepaskan jugak akhirnya tp skrg bkn waktu nye. org kate live life to the fullest..that's what i'm trying to do rite now. no regrets! tu semua pemangkin utk maju kedepan. cewah. tp biasa la..susah nk dapat kap ba ro kap ta nun..hidup mcm ni mmg payah sikit la. sendiri ckp payah..padahal bende tu la yg paling senang, paling mudah and paling dekat skali and selamat! damn..damn..damn! hope these thoughts never leave it place. stay in my head! i'll make a move bout it one day! one day!! Hoi..gila ka..? wakakakk!

Sejuk..nyamuk gigit. denggi..dengki. kims kims kims.